Събрах постове на различни пилоти от всички краища на Африка и реших да ги споделя с вас.
Една част сам ги преживявал, а друга част може би само въпрос на време....
You Know You Are In Africa When.....
"Hello Captain,Customs, Welcome, Please fill in this form . . . . . . . . . . . . eh I want your pen."
after a trans-Atlantic crossing, unloading, refueling, the crew flies the airplane to ANOTHER (more secure) country for hotel/crew rest.
- The Marshall's know all the signs. but not how to use them.
If you follow the yellow lines in the apron you will drive straight in to an A/c
When you get a load sheet full o female names, with female weights and you have only male passenger on board
The Police show up to save you from a robber and one of the policmen is the very robber that you needed saving from!
After trying several times to contact the approach controller, you move over to the centre controller... he tells you that the radar guy is "on his way coming" he should be at work in the next 20 minutes.
You're flying a plane rather than pushing buttons all day
You wear shorts and t-shirt every day and every day starts with great sunrises and ends with equally good sunsets.
when on take off some guy ride on the runway by his bicikle
You are happy to see animals (optionally including ship/sheep) grazing on the runway because it means the grass will be too short to hide the ant and termite hills.
when this VIP is anyone who can afford to fly a private jet
you have seen and carried more money in cash than you are likely to make in your whole career
Somebody build a house 100 ft before the threshold
You file 4 copies of your flight plan, and still atc don't know who you are, and where you are going
When you have an engine fire at V1, report or it to TWR, and he says, after about two minutes..."station calling?"
When the 15 year old son of the air company's owner shows up un-announced for a joy ride on the A320's flight deck expecting to be seated in the captain's seat for take off. When you refuse the spoiled brat immediately phones his father demanding you to be fired for being un-cooperative
When the air company's owner insists that no reserve fuel is needed for your A320 (fuel is expensive at the Homebase) because weather at the final destination is GOOD
When you declare an emergency after suspected fuel contamination and the tower tells you to hold for at least another half hour because the president's brother is doing a speed test in his newly acquired Ferrari on the airport's sole runway.
When Addis Approach gives priority to Ethiopian airlines even when their ETA is ten minutes after you!
You are given engine start clearance, you have a marshaller on the nose, wingmen on the left & right, everyone gives you the thumbs up. You start the engines and they start boarding the 747 on your left with all the pax walking behind you.
- When the weather report from TWR in a remote aerodrome is always the same regardless of the current weather conditions
When the marshaller gives useless instructions and once you've parked by your own means you discover his brother in law in replacing him today
When on final you don't heard anything else from TWR and you have to use the phone to get a landing clearance as the have been a power cut and the stby generator of the airport is "sick"
When you have specifically instructed the loaders to do not load something in the front cargo compartment and as soon as you turn around they load it on the front cargo compartment...
When you are denied start up clearance because a VIP (the minister's driver) is on the way to the airport to board your flight!
When you have left a full fuel barrel in your home base airport and when you come back is still full but with other liquid such as water
When you have rejected some bags as cargo because of overweight problems and the pax show up with the same cargo as hand luggage
when the controller issues a taxi clearance to a C206 to back-track the only runway and clears a Let 410 on a 3 mile final to land the moment you turned onto the runway
when the very same controller keeps your helicopter on a one mile base-to-final and makes you wait in an out-of-ground-effect hover for 6 (six!) minutes to let an airplane back-track and depart that has not even began to taxi yet instead of allowing a landing in the grass. Because that would be a runway incursion, right?
When you get this answer on Mozambique flying:
"Take cash! And on the issue of cash:
If you are going to take US dollars, make sure you take lots of small bills (they never have change),
when you receive "Wind 090 at 10 knots, you a' cleared fo' take-off runway 09, right turn on depa'tsha, climb to no mo' than 700 feet, QNH 1019" when all you asked for was to air-taxi the runway back to the main ramp
when ATC vectors you into oncoming traffic!
When the dispatcher comes to you with the load manifest stating you have 17 pax and 4 'babies' on board. When said 'babies' show up, they are twelve year olds with moustaches!
our flight is scheduled to arrive and depart during daylight hours, so that the loaders may walk to and from the airport in daylight, as a measure of protection from wild animals and bandits.
ATC's ONLY interest in your flight is obtaining your "registration mark", for airway fees billing information.
You land at the airport with a very seriously injured and obviously bleeding casualty onboard and Immigration wont let the awaiting ambulance take the patient to the hospital until his passport has been stamped - oh yes, the man with the stamp had gone home early!
When you are stuck on the apron for a minimum of 2hrs with a plane full of sweating and angry pax waiting for an aging dictator to slowly make his way to his commandeered from the local airline for him, for permission to start up, all the while surrounded by police and army armed to the teeth.
Or in another instance you are arrested and have a number of loaded AK47s pointed at you for walking too close to an old AN26 which probably was destroyed 20yrs previous, all this besides the fact you are at the field to pick up the Minister of Defense, who with much arguing manages to have you released.
and you will soon find out that the old rule "Cook it, peel it - or forget it!" will not safe you from Montezuma's Revenge as long as the kitchen staff is using water from the local river to clean the dishes and the cutlery
At night, there are more lights above the horizon than below it.
You've been hit by a tractor on the apron.
You abort a takeoff with someone on a 3-mile final and are still on the runway.
Landing a corporate 200 in some long forgotten airport in Northen Mozambique and trying to get some fuel.
"No Jet A1!"
"No Jet fuel, never had Jet fuel!"
"Well, if you recall, we came here 3 times last week and took fuel each time!"
This wasn`t going anywhere. "How much for fuel to be available?"
Off he goes with some of my 'float' money and.....comes round the corner in a brand new BP Jet A bowser!
"Where did that come from?"
"I found it round the back!" he says with a big grin.
NOTAMS are issued 2 days AFTER they became effective about a new temporary prohibited area, part of said (rather enormous) area happens to be within a mile of your base airfield.
ATC clears you to take off with a 'service vehicle' driving straight towards you on the runway at 100 km/h!
if you never(!) touch anything other than your private parts whilst using a public lavatory - don't tell your kids at home that YOU didn't wash your fingers...
When you call mayday, mayday and the controller tells you ' standi bye
The only time people call you from home is when they hear of a plane crash on the news.
a clear night in Lagos, Hydro Air Cargo 747F inbound........
"Tower this is Hydro Air, 5 miles established for 19L"
"Hydro do you want 19R?" [next to the cargo apron]
"Tower we had it NOTAM'd as closed....."
"negative, negative, its good. You are cleared to land 19R"
They landed ............... and ran into 3 dumper trucks and a JCB, before clipping a large pile of Asphalt and ending up in a smoking heap off the side of the runway. The pilots walked away but the a/c was a write off.
when Benghazi tells you 'weather is good' and he's in the middle of the most enormous thunderstorm
You are cleared for takeoff with an amended clearance. Instructions are to maintain 7000 ft after departure. The MSA is above FL090 and terrain is in your flight path. So you refuse the clearance but are told that "You will obey ATC instructions and takeoff immediately due traffic".
The NOTAM for "dogs on runway" are accurate and confirmed.
"Who cares who is calling, whoever it is needs a windcheck!"
"You MUST identify yourself!"
"We're on short final and the only aircraft in your control zone Sir..."
"I have you in sight, you are cleared to land, report marshaller in sight."
"Cleared to land,23"
The 7 basic lies you're facing whilst flying in Africa:
1. The car/taxi is coming.
2. Fuel/tanker is on its way.
3. The flight plan is in the system and accepted
4. Don't worry about anything!
5. Everything is taken care of.
6. It will take 5 minutes only...
7. I'm the General Manager of all ...(Business)... of all ...(Country).